Brendan Hills has lived a pretty normal life for a 38-year-old.
He lives in Stoke with his wife Kathryn, a nursing student, and their two girls, aged 10 and 8. He’s the president of the Nelson Mountain Biking Club and works as a project manager for Cameron Gibson Wells.
He likes to fish, tramp and, of course, mountain bike.
After a three-week holiday in the UK, Portugal and Spain with his 72-year-old father and his UK-based sons, Brendan returned home to Nelson two weeks ago with severe back pain. He had already been to the doctor four times and was told he had some inflammation around his ribs. He put it down to a crash on his mountain bike a few weeks earlier, where he landed “heavy” on his back.
After two nights back home, he went to A&E at Nelson Hospital for some pain relief. They ran some scans. It wasn’t normal inflammation. Brendan was told he had cancer.
Worst still, surgery was not an option, nor was radiotherapy, and chemotherapy would only extend his life a few months, at best. He was referred to Nelson Tasman Hospice that day.
Kathryn says she felt “numb”.
For Brendan it is harder to describe.
“You go through a whole range of emotions, very quickly.”
A week later, last Friday, Brendan was told his cancer was pancreatic and he had just weeks to live – it was devastating but not unexpected news.
“I do feel pretty shit,” he says. “I’m putting on a brave face, but it felt like I’ve been dying these last few days, literally.”
Brendan’s main goal for the next few weeks is to get his four children together. His two older boys live with his ex-wife in Wales and he’s hoping they’ll be able to be in Nelson this week.
“All four kids haven’t been together for almost two years, because of Covid, so that’s my focus, getting the four kids together.
“I’d like to take them snowboarding, something like that, or fishing in the boat but we don’t know what we can do. I’ve gone so far downhill in a week, I am worried that by the time my boys get here I won’t be able to do much.”
His two boys were meant to be in New Zealand for Christmas, where they had a camping holiday planned in Golden Bay with plenty of fishing, hiking and general summer holiday fun. The plans are hard for Brendan to talk about.
“We just want to enjoy what we’ve got while we can,” he finally says.
Both Brendan and Kathryn say telling their children was the hardest part since learning of the cancer.
“The two girls, one is quite blasé, she’ll process it in her own time. She said to one of her friends ‘oh, Dad has cancer but he’s not going to die’. Whereas our oldest is very emotional, she knows what’s going on.”
To make matters worse, they cancelled their life insurance when Kathryn began studying last year.
“Our retirement plan was to work very hard for the next 20 years and at 38 I don’t think that was unreasonable,” says Brendan.
“But now my major concern is that I have to support Kat and the kids. The next few weeks will take care of themselves but I’m more concerned about the fact that Kat has a house there that she can’t afford. Mortgage rates are about to go up. Those are my concerns.”
Despite the heavy load on Brendan’s shoulders, he says he’s happy with the life he’s lived.
“I’ve had a very, very busy 38 years … but I wouldn’t have minded another 30,” he jokes.
“You’ve got to stay positive because there’s no point dwelling on things and being wrapped up in a ball of negative energy, that’s not going to help anyone.”
A Give a Little page has been set up to help Kathryn and Brendan’s children. https://givealittle.co.nz/cause/help-support-kathryn-and-brendans-family
