Gay Molineaux hasn’t figured out who will cook the Christmas ham this year.
It had been her husband Chris’ job for the more than four decades they had been married.
But, in January, Chris passed away in the care of Nelson Tasman Hospice.
Gay will this year write her first message on a decoration in memory of Chris as part of the Trees of Remembrance campaign.
Trees of Remembrance is an annual tradition for hospices around the world and a vital fundraiser for Nelson Tasman Hospice which needs to raise 45 per cent of its annual operating costs each year to remain free for patients and families.
Gay says the support she and her family received from hospice was extraordinary.
“Not only do hospice look after the patient, they look after the wider network, the family, the whānau.”
Chris had a cardiac arrest in 2018. Luckily, Gay was home at the time, and he went on to enjoy some relatively good health in spurts, she says.
But over time, his health deteriorated.
“We first became involved with hospice through a community nurse who came to visit.
“As his health declined the contact with the hospice was more frequent.”
She says Chris was eventually admitted to hospice on three different occasions, but they provided support and advice through the entire journey.
“His initial thoughts about hospice, like a number of people, are that it’s not a place where you go to get better.
“But, in actual fact, on two occasions they really helped him positively and he enjoyed some more time, which really was the key.”
Gay says even when Chris needed medication in the middle of the night, Donna the community nurse came around to do it.
“It was so comforting for me because there were just the two of us at home, to know there was help on hand 24/7.
“And I did ring the hospice to ask for advice.”
She says Chris went from someone who was potentially unsure about what the hospice pathway led to, to somebody who couldn’t have been a greater advocate because of the care and help that the whole family received.
“Until you’re actually here and involved and have one-on-one experience with it, you don’t know all the myriad of ways that they work.”
Gay says this Christmas her family will do some things similarly, but the gap Chris leaves will be hard to fill.
“He won’t be here to do the ham which he always did every year, so that will be a bit of a gap, not quite sure who will wear the ham hat.
“But this year we will have our daughter, son-in-law, and new granddaughter here from Doha so that will help to fill a big gap.”
She encourages people to consider making a donation to hospice and consider writing their own message to hang on one of the trees around the region.
“It’s such a fabulous thing for people to be made aware that this facility isn’t completely funded, and it needs a lot of community effort to keep it going.
Gay says, as she places her decoration on the tree she will not only acknowledge, reflect and think, but also celebrate moving forward.
“Because we all must and do. We can look at this as a time to remember, express gratitude and to have hope moving forward.”
The trees of remembrance will be on display at Farmers Nelson and Richmond until 24 December and at New World Stoke and Nelson, Richmond Mall and Māpua Wharf between 2 December and 9 December.
