Jane Goodwin had almost given up becoming a mother, finding an egg donor that she needed was unlikely. Until she shared her fertility struggle with a friend, whose daughter was happy to make her dream come true.
Words: Judene Edgar
Kara-Shay Manson’s “amazing, selfless gift” changed Jane’s life forever and created a life. Jane had always hoped for “the full package” a husband, house, children – but life doesn’t always provide a story book ending. She had enjoyed a successful career, but “the forever boy never quite came along”. Having a child was always a priority for Jane, so she embarked on a solo fertility journey.
After six rounds of insemination, she started in vitro fertilization (IVF); and while the acronym IVF is reasonably common and odds are we all know someone who’s had to undergo IVF to conceive, the extent of the treatment and the physical, emotional, and financial toll is immense, invasive, and complicated. Jane worked extra hours, took extra shifts, and did additional contract work to give herself the option of IVF. She even sold her house, taking her another step further away from the “full package”. “None of it felt like a sacrifice as it was my chance to have my own wee whānau.”
After six years of trying to conceive Jane started looking at other options. A friend had “gone down the egg donor route”, travelling to America where there are large egg donor banks. After investigating, Jane felt that this option was for her. Unfortunately, that’s when Covid struck, and with it, any chance of going to America for an egg donation.
“After many many years of no positive outcomes, I had to resign myself to looking at my life without a child in it,” she says. But an incidental conversation with a workmate changed everything.
“I hadn’t overly shared my journey with others because I didn’t want to raise expectations and I don’t think I would have coped with people asking how I was going all the time,” says Jane, “but I’d shared with my colleague and friend Leigh due to being too sick to travel for work on one occasion during treatment. Some months later she asked where things were up to, and I told her I had reached the end of the line as I needed an egg donor. I was unlikely to get a donor in New Zealand and was unable to travel to the States, due to Covid.”
Leigh discussed her story with her family and her daughter Kara offered to donate her eggs.
“I didn’t even question it. I knew this was something I wanted to do. I empathised with Jane’s fertility struggles and I thought, I’ve got eggs, and heck, sharing is caring”, says Kara.
Jane couldn’t believe her luck. “They rang and said we have something significant we want to discuss with you,” says Jane. “I had known Kara through working with her mum, but it was amazing. I was in tears of joy.”
Unlike the American egg donor banks, in New Zealand there is no recompense other than getting your medical costs met, but Kara says that it was such a rewarding experience. “I’m incredibly thankful to have had the opportunity to do this.
The whole experience gave me such a sense of purpose in a time where I was desperately searching for exactly that, a purpose.”
Before being able to donate, Kara had to embark on a several month process of counselling and testing – blood tests, uterus health, egg viability, hormone levels, follicle counts and more. “There’s lots of counselling to fully understand the consequences and emotional ramifications and to ensure that everyone is on the same page and understanding, and lots and lots of blood tests.”
One of the tests revealed that Kara had polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), meaning that she had an abnormally high level of follicles in her ovaries.
With the diagnosis of PCOS came pros and cons.
Thankfully, Kara was still able to donate, and miraculously she produced 40 eggs (average is 10 – 20), and a further miracle was that it resulted in 31 fertilized eggs, but it did mean a lot of extra work for Kara’s body, producing that many eggs.
After the tests she then started IVF, injecting herself for two weeks with follicle-stimulating hormones to grow the follicles, as well as an extra injection at day five to stop them ovulating, and a barrage of support medicines. Then on the last day of injections a special trigger shot injection was given to grow and mature the follicles ready for collection – a surgical procedure where they use a big needle that pierces through your uterus wall and into your ovaries to collect the eggs.
“Being a woman, I always knew hormones were powerful, but I definitely underestimated that power,” says Kara. “Some days were a roller-coaster, but other days were fine. The day of extraction was nervewracking, but I was pretty pleased with myself when they told me they’d extracted 40 eggs.”
Jane was finally implanted in 2021 – and as Kara predicted, it was successful – Jane’s first ever positive pregnancy. “After so many failed attempts I was nervous, but Kara was always so optimistic,” says Jane. From the first call telling Jane of Kara’s offer, to Jane’s call to Kara telling her the good news that she was pregnant was nearly 12 months, but all worth it.
“I had this deep knowing from day dot that everything would work out first try, but I still fell to my knees when I got the news; it was such a beautiful relief,” says Kara. “I felt every emotion under the sun – I could only imagine waiting eight years to be a mother.”
Nine months felt like a long wait before they finally got to meet Will, but Kara says he is just the cutest little thing. “I was completely speechless and in total awe of the miracle that produced Will.” Jane lives in Christchurch with Will, who turns one at the end of May, but Kara and her family are part of an amazing extended family who wrap around him, love him, care for him and adore him. They get regular updates and are sent photos and videos via a group chat.
“I love being his ‘cool aunty’ and being part of his growth,” says Kara. “It was a big process and with so much emotion and so much to consider, but it’s such a beautiful thing to be a part of, and my whole family were all really supportive and incredibly proud of me.”
“It’s not something to be taken lightly, but it was an incredibly rewarding experience and I hope more people will think about it.” Often it’s friends of people who offer their eggs, but the ideal donor age is 20 to 35, so the younger the better.
“I wasn’t ready to think about children for myself, and it’s changed my view on motherhood in that I don’t feel that I have to have my own children now. I might have my own children one day, but I don’t feel that I have to anymore.”
Kara and Jane wanted to share their story to encourage others to consider being egg donors. “I can’t put into words how much Kara means to me,” says Jane. “She’s phenomenal, and a part of our whānau forever. It’s the most amazing, selfless thing to do for someone else.”
But equally, Kara is in awe of Jane. “She’s so amazing with Will. He’s the luckiest wee boy to have Jane be his Māmā and I’m so incredibly thankful to have had this opportunity to do this and I just hope more people consider being an egg donor. It’s such a gift to be able to help someone on their journey to parenthood.”
Find out more at fertilityassociates.co.nz/becoming-a-donor/
