Nelson has been caught in a cheating conspiracy that could see Nelson’s mayor and deputy mayor charged with tampering with government equipment.
A photo of Nelson Mayor Nick Smith and his deputy Pete Rainey shining a torch into the heliograph, which records the region’s sunshine hours, at Nelson Airport was handed to Top South Now by Advocates Prioritising Reliable Information Locally (A.P.R.I.L), a Marlborough-based citizens group.
Subsequent investigation has uncovered a cheating conspiracy that saw Nelson jump up the sunshine hour leaderboard, leap-frogging Marlborough into second place. It is understood the mayor and deputy mayor would shine a torch into the reader as night fell to secure an extra few hours of sun recording each day.
When pressed for information by Top South Now, Nick Smith confessed to the attempt to alter the sun hours race, but blamed deputy mayor Pete Rainey for the idea.
“The deputy made me do it so if we end up in prison, I want the top bunk.”
Pete refused to comment on whose idea it was, but Marlborough mayor Nadine Taylor was understandably furious with the conspiracy.
“What’s next? Nelson stealing the sun off Marlborough’s coat of arms? Forget it, it’s not going to happen on my watch!”
Nick says he was desperate for some good news for Nelson.
“I’ve just been so frustrated at being dorked by Marlborough and New Plymouth, I was prepared to do anything.”
According to A.P.R.I.L, residents have also been in on the conspiracy with thousands of rooftop solar panels used to boil away cloud cover. A report – titled “How foolish is that?!?” – ripped Nelson for “taking such drastic measures just to get bragging rights over their honest neighbours.”
The rankings from Earth Sciences NZ put Nelson at #2 in the nation between #1 New Plymouth and #3 Blenheim.
Might Marlborough receive the Silver Sun trophy bestowed upon Nelson? That will be up to Parliament, which called a special session to authorise 2026 Fraud Offset Official Legislation.
Police have refused to comment on whether charges will be laid against the Nelson leaders.
