For Nelson woman Pip Jamieson, navigating the loss of both her parents within just seven weeks, wouldn’t have been possible without the support of Nelson Tasman Hospice.
Pip lost her father Ray and then her mother Margaret in 2019, after the couple had been living at Summerset Retirement Village in Stoke. She says the grieving process never truly ends.
Ray, who suffered from dementia, was ultimately diagnosed with prostate cancer and given just weeks to live. Pip’s older brother Alan lives in Christchurch, so Hospice support was vital.
Pip says the organisation reached out immediately, asking if the family needed any support and offering a nurse for Ray along with wrap-around care for the wider family.
She describes hospice nurse Jane as simply “amazing”.
“She just got it, she was like this subtle psychological support to mum, that Alan and I couldn’t be, because we were the kids.
“Immediately we knew we could trust her 100 per cent.”
Margaret, a former nurse, struggled as Ray’s condition deteriorated, becoming angry and distressed. Pip says Jane was able to connect with her in a way others could not, providing comfort during an incredibly difficult time.
Despite his dementia, Ray retained his sense of humour.
“Dad was quite humorous with his dementia, like he insisted that he still had a car in the garage downstairs,” Pip says. That was quite impossible in their single-storey home.
For Pip, one of the greatest comforts is knowing her father was able to die at home, supported by hospice care.
“The fact that he could stay there in his environment, and Jane would come in all the time, she was really, really brilliant.”
Pip remembers her father’s final moments clearly.
“He woke up with really bright eyes, and he said, ‘The time has come the walrus said to talk of many things. Of seals and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. God bless you children.’ He closed his eyes, and he never woke up again.
“Alan and I went away, and mum came in. She had her dinner by his bed, and then she went to go and put her jammies on. And when she put her jammies on, he just passed away. And it was just so lovely.”
Just seven weeks later, Margaret, who was 83, also died, seemingly from a broken heart.
“She just lost the will to live, doctors tried to put a medical reason to it, but she just closed down.”
Throughout that second devastating loss, hospice support continued. Jane remained alongside Pip, while counselling and support groups were offered to the family.
Attending counselling marked the first time Pip had ever set foot inside the hospice premises in Stoke.
“Everyone was so welcoming, and the counsellor helped me not feel guilty that I hadn’t done enough. Grieving never finishes, but she made it manageable.
“I hadn’t really dealt with saying goodbye to dad and then I had to say goodbye to mum. I wouldn’t have got through it without having hospice there.”
Pip is now encouraging people who can to support hospice through its May Hands up for Hospice campaign.
“You may not use it, but it’s about making sure it’s available for someone who can.”
For Margaret, who died just weeks after her 84-year-old husband, hospice care meant she was able to farewell Ray at home, after a final dinner together. A fitting end to a life intertwined for nearly seven decades.
