After years of shyly scrolling through dating sites, Rebecca Gibson took a leap of faith and posted on a local Facebook group. What started as a simple message to meet like-minded singles quickly grew into a thriving community of over 600 members – bringing friendship, fun and even a little romance to Nelson’s over-40s.
Words: Catherine Milford
Rebecca Gibson remembers the moment she threw caution to the wind. “I’d been wanting to meet good men for a while – not just guys looking for a hookup, but someone who wanted a real relationship. I’d tried dating sites, but they hadn’t really worked for me,” she says. “I’d thought before about putting something on the Nelson community Facebook group to see if I could find someone that way, but I’d never been brave enough to do it as I’m pretty shy.”
But one evening in April 2023, something shifted. “I was sitting out on my balcony enjoying a couple of cocktails, and I just thought – right, I’m probably going to regret this in the morning, but I’m going to do it,” she recalls. So before she could talk herself out of it, she started writing a post. “I just said that I wanted to meet a nice man, that I thought the dating sites were rubbish, and did anyone want to meet up.”
Within a few minutes, people started responding. “The post got over 400 comments, which was awesome!” she laughs. “People were wishing me luck, and a few suggested they’d like to come to some sort of event if I set it up, so I organised a dinner at Speights Ale House.”
Although Rebecca didn’t meet the man of her dreams at the dinner, she did meet someone special that night. “That’s where I met the wonderful Wendy Rankin,” she says.
“I was still single, and I’d seen Rebecca’s post and thought it was a great idea, so I went along,” adds Wendy. “I’ve lived in Nelson for over 20 years, but after I split from my husband, it was difficult to find other singles – all my friends were couples, so I had no social life. Once you’re over 40, it can be tough to meet people.”
The dinner was a success, and a month later, Wendy asked her newfound friend whether she’d mind if she started a Nelson over-40s singles social Facebook page. “It wasn’t really set up as a dating site or page as such – I just wanted to meet like-minded single people who wanted to meet up for coffees and have a bit of fun in a safe environment,” Wendy tells.
Before long, word of the new group spread. “At the start, we’d just put up these ad hoc posts saying we were meeting for a coffee if anyone wanted to join us, and people started turning up,” Wendy says.
As more people joined, the group became a social hub for singles wanting to go out and socialise. “We’d arrange to go dancing, and Wendy and I have both hosted fancy-dress parties – they are a lot of fun!” laughs Rebecca. “Anyone who’s a member can arrange a meeting; someone will post that they’ll be at a particular pub on Friday night, or they want to go to the movies, if anyone wants to come along. We’ve been to festivals, Ciderfest, Gindulgence, bowling nights, pub quizzes – all sorts.”
There’s a good mix of both men and women in the group, although the male/female ratio can vary, depending on the day. “Men are much worse than women at committing to coming to events – they might have come out of difficult relationships, or had bad breakups, and they seem to find the idea of meeting women in person very hard,” says Wendy. “They often don’t commit until the last minute either, but they do come.
“When new people turn up, or we get a guy who looks terrified, I’d try to help break the ice, by making a point of going around and introducing myself to make them feel welcome.”
The Facebook group has now grown to almost 600 members, and even though Wendy isn’t a member any more now she has a partner – “I met him on Bumble!” she laughs – she’s kept friends from the group. Rebecca is still an active member, and along with friends Julie Stafford and Catherine Newmarch, who help with admin, she has developed a good sense of anyone attempting to misuse it.
“Like all social media, you get the odd person who’ll try to get in to scam people, but we have protocols in place to keep everyone safe,” she tells. “The page is set up so nobody can message anybody else unless they’ve been accepted onto the page – which only happens if we can verify who they are. If they don’t have a real name, for example, or a photo of themselves, or they are married, or don’t live in the area, they don’t get in. And if there’s any sign of trouble, they are removed.”
Despite the occasional unwelcome interest, Rebecca says the page has massively improved her social life. “Starting the group was just an opportunity to find some friends who were in the same boat as me, and it’s definitely done that,” explains Wendy. “My friend Lori Marevich did an amazing job helping with admin at the start, but we’re always seeing new people who have recently become single, or have just moved to the area.”
Since that first dinner at Speights, Rebecca has also continued the tradition of hosting a Valentine’s dinner. “Actually, that first event was in May – but we still call it a Valentine’s dinner,” she smiles. Romance has flickered for some – one couple who met at the dinner last year have just moved in together – and the group is always happy to welcome new members who may be looking for love.
“Going into a room to meet people you’ve never met before is awful the first time, but once you get to know people, it’s really good,” agrees Rebecca. “It’s so much more social than dating apps, and you get way more out of it because you meet friends and have a laugh.”
While Rebecca is still waiting for her knight in shining armour, sending that first post three years ago has brought her something remarkable – a newfound confidence. “I was always really shy. I remember being so daunted at that first Valentine’s dinner because I had to speak in front of people,” she recalls. “I still am quite shy, but I’m nowhere near as bad as I was. People have told me that they are much happier because of the group – it blows me away when I’m told that, as I wasn’t at all confident before.
“I’d still love to meet someone, but now I get out more, I meet more people, I have more friends, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.”
To apply to join the group, visit Nelson over 40 Singles Social group on Facebook.
