“Honestly, the last few years have been incredible!” is not quite the answer you might expect from someone living with Stage 4b ovarian cancer, but then Shelley Carppe has a different way of looking at things, and continues to find plenty to celebrate, as Amy Russ discovers.
Recent years have certainly been eventful for her. There have been around 70 chemotherapy infusions, three surgeries, countless scans and appointments, two trips to ED, Covid, shingles, a DVT, cysts, severe neck pain and, most recently, a three-week cold that had her coughing so hard she cracked a rib.
But there have also been three weddings, three new sons-in-law, the arrival of her first grandchild and a three-month trip around the North Island in the caravan with her husband Shane and their wee fox terrier, Sam.
After renting their house out, ahead of a one-year plan to travel around New Zealand, Shelley and Shane have been living in their caravan for 19 months now and it has become a lifestyle they love so much, they cannot imagine going back.
That says something about Shelley herself. Faced with a diagnosis that could easily have narrowed her world, she has continued to find reasons to expand it and enjoy the simple things along the way – to travel, spend time with the people she loves, make plans and change them.
“I’m 56 years old, I’ve been married to Shane for 33 years, we have three daughters all in their 20s, and a delightful granddaughter,” Shelley says. “She has just turned one, is the light of our lives and such a wee character!"
Then, almost as an afterthought, comes the other part of her story. “Oh yes, I also have Stage 4b Ovarian Cancer.”
Her cancer experience began just two days after her birthday in 2024. Within two weeks of seeing her doctor, she had undergone an ultrasound, three CT scans, an MRI, and appointments with two specialists. Two weeks later, she was having major surgery. Four weeks after that, chemotherapy began.
Through this, Shelley says the hardest part has been watching what it has asked of the people she loves. “They’re going through this with me, every step of the way, and I wish with all my heart I could have saved them from that. It's the only thing that brings me to tears, but at the same time I'm incredibly grateful to them and for them. I can't imagine how it would feel to go through this without the incredible support I've received from so many people. And that's what makes so many moments unexpectedly good – knowing how lucky we are to be sharing them."
That same circle has also given Shelley a strength she describes in a way that is distinctly her own. “I call myself a cancer warrior rather than a fighter, and that distinction is really important to me. People talk about ‘fighting’ cancer, or ‘losing their battle’, but for me, that’s not how it feels. If cancer eventually takes my life, I don’t want anyone to say I lost. A fighter can win or lose, but a warrior does so much more.”
Her armour consists of faith, positivity and laughter. Her shield is the huge support she receives from family and friends, while her sword is made up of medications, supplements and lifestyle changes.
“I’ve found myself in a situation that requires strength and fortitude, so I’ve put myself in the best possible position to get the best outcome. Just call me Xena!"
It is an outlook that has helped Shelley through some confronting moments, but it is also one that leaves plenty of room for humour. She has always used laughter as a coping mechanism and says, hand on heart, there has not been a single day since her diagnosis that she hasn’t laughed – including immediately after her first major surgery.
"Picture me lying in an HDU in hospital with six family members around me all laughing so much you'd be forgiven for thinking we were all on drugs... of course, I actually was... Laughter is the best medicine. Combine it with love and hope and it's even more powerful. So that's how I live, surrounded with people who love me, laugh at every opportunity, and keep praying and hoping for the best!"
Then there are the eyebrows. Attempting to recreate them has become an unexpected source of entertainment. " Got to take your laughs where you can get them! Trying to draw my eyebrows on after losing all my hair has been a total joke. I might go out looking surprised, worried, lop-sided or quizzical and once I drew on two left eyebrows using a template!"
Living with love, laughter and hope is about refusing to spend whatever time she has left worrying about what might happen next. "It's about not taking life too seriously for a start. As they say, none of us are getting out of it alive. They might label me 'terminal' but isn't life terminal?"
Her happiness is found in time with family and friends, being with Shane and Sam, and in sunshine, sunsets and trees. She describes herself as an 'ocean girl' and can happily sit looking at the water all day. A caravan parked beside a beach, lake or river is, in her words, bliss.
It is also why Shelley has become determined in using her experience to raise awareness of ovarian cancer. When she was diagnosed, she knew very little about the disease and had no family history of it.
"I was horrified to learn that in times past, women would refer to gynaecological cancers as 'stomach cancer' like it was something to be ashamed of! The statistics for ovarian cancer make awful reading. We need to do better for the women who are diagnosed, and that starts with research, which costs money. We need to be able to screen for it, to catch it earlier, we need better treatments, and ultimately, we need a cure. And I need to stay alive long enough to receive that cure. So fundraising was a no-brainer."
Shelley is hosting a Frocktober fundraiser to bring women together for an afternoon of lunch, laughter and fundraising in support of the Ovarian Cancer Foundation NZ.
With a $10,000 fundraising goal, the event will include a drink on arrival, two-course lunch by Gourmet Caterers, live and silent auctions, raffles and a style presentation by Wear It Well’s Suzanna. Shelley will also share the facts about ovarian cancer and her own experience, with the hope that guests leave having enjoyed themselves while knowing more about a disease that can be difficult to detect.
“When I suggested it to Carol Shirley from Gourmet Catering, she jumped on the opportunity to help. With her enthusiasm, the idea took off!”
The fundraiser is another way of turning her experience into something positive, while continuing to share the outlook that has helped her navigate the years since her diagnosis.
"Over the years I remember people saying attitude plays a huge part in your outcome, so I made a decision to always keep a positive attitude, to put that to the ultimate test, and it's been amazing. People say I inspire them. That used to embarrass me, but now it makes me proud."
If she could speak to herself on the day she was diagnosed Shelley knows exactly what she would say. "I'd just quietly whisper 'you've got this'. And then I'd turn on my playlist, volume up, and crank Monty Pythons Always Look on the Bright Side of Life. Because even with Stage 4b, inoperable, 'terminal' cancer, it pays to remember: If life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten, and that's to laugh and smile and sing and dance... and always look on the bright, side of life."
Frocktober FUNdraiser
Saturday, 31 October, 11.30am–2.30pm
Beachside Conference and Events Centre, Tahunanui
Tickets are $80 per person available through: trybooking.com/nz/BEYP
